Talking in Math

Hoochie Momma and I were talking about a time when Dad and I were at a buffet. At the buffet, I saw a this lady sit down at a table. I noticed two things.

1) Her butt was bigger than my whole torso.
2) The combined volume of her arms was less than the total volume of her ass.

No really, you could probably take of both of this woman's arms, and fit them inside her ass (and her arms were not small).

It's not my purpose to be mean or insensitive to people of the large persuasion. I was just making an observation from an engineering point of view. I can't help it. It's hard to spend four years at an engineering school and not look at things in an objective, emotionless, Vulcan point of view.

I remember my friends and I would be sitting in Differential Equations or Organic Chemistry or some other equally boring class. We'd amuse ourselves by talking in math.

We'd say things like:

As time -> infinity, Laura's interest in this class -> 0

That brings me to the buffet lady with the elephantine ass. The reason why I had Hoochie snorting with laughter is because I told her the woman's grandness can be best expressed in an if, then statement.

If V(combined limbs) < V(ass), then you = unhappy face :(

Granted, it's kind of mean, but Hoochie Momma and I thought it was hilarious.

So, here are some other mathimatical expressions that I remember (or made up just now).

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At t = 11:54, hunger = 1. At t = 1:01, hunger = 0, and sleep = 1
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f(x) = (Laura + snooze button)(Laura + sleep)

f(x) = Laura^2 + Laura * sleep + Laura * snooze button + snooze button * sleep

f(x) = late for class

df(x)/dt = poor grades
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Reasonable statements:
V(woman's butt) > V(Laura's torso)
V(woman's arms) < V(woman's butt)
V(woman's arms) > V(Laura's torso)

Conclusion: V(woman's butt + arms) > V(Laura's torso) or simply, woman could probably smother Laura with either her arms, or her butt, or both.
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Laura + blog = funny + insightful
Laura - Stink Pants #5 = sad.
Laura + class = bored.
Laura + Noona = silly.
Laura + friends + family = happy.
Ninja cat R + Ninja cat L = trouble.
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As t -> infinity, Laura's math jokes -> 0 and audience's interest in this post = 0.