The Interview Game

I saw this on Clay's website (The Hopeless Romantic) and I couldn't resist.

Here are The Official Interview Game Rules:
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions (in my comments) - each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

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Clay's Questions
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1: Does stink pants #5 worry that that you secretly think he smells?
First of all, I don't secretly think he smells. He knows that I know he smells. Seriously, you don't want to be around this guy when he's drunk a glass of milk or eaten a bowl of ice cream (unless it's soy milk and soy ice cream). Even flies don't fly around him. Maybe that's how he stays mosquito bite free every summer.

I don't think Stink Pants #5 worries about whether I think he smells or not. I don't worry about it either. If I did, I probably wouldn't be marrying the giant ball of ass rot that is Stink Pants #5. I love him regardless of the hideous stench :-)

Oh Stink Pants! You know you're more than a pile of poo stink to me! *kisses!*

2: What is the most embarassing thing you mother has ever done around you in public?
(To the tune of Love Story)
Where do I begin to tell a story of embarrassments of Mom?
The time she showed my passport pictures to my friends?
Or when she called me at that party senior year?
Where do I start? Where do I STAAAARRT!?

But seriously, I was most embarrassed of my mom when I was in middle school through my senior year of high school. That, of course, is the time a girl's mom is most embarrassing in said girl's lifetime. "Embarrassing" isn't the word. It's more like "mortified." I can remember more than one time when I performed in a piano recital, and after my piece was done my mother pointed out to me all the mistakes I had made. Another example is all thoughout my senior year, I would go to parties with other classmates and my mom would insist on calling me at their houses just to make sure I was there! (Hurray for "trust"). Oh there are other times, but I'm still embarrassed and choose not to display them here. So you'll just have to be content with the mortifying experiences I have already provided.

3: If you could be any musical performer, who would it be?
Hmmm...interesting. Two people immediately come to mind. One is Yoko Kanno. The other is Ben Folds (of Ben Folds Five fame). They both write the type of music I'd like to be able to write, which consists of creative and elegant piano arrangements that are much more mellifluous than music you might find on the radio or on Broadway today. Their songs have actual melodies that, when you take them out of the song and play them key by key on the piano, still sound like a song.

It's not just the melodies either. The lyrics in their songs, especially Ben Folds, tell stories. When taken out of the music the lyrics still read like poetry. At the risk of sounding arty and pretentious, I'll add some of the lyrics to one of my favorite Ben Folds Five songs entitled "Don't Change Your Plans."

Sometimes I get the feeling
that I won't be on this planet
for very long.
I really like it here
I'm quite attached to it
I hope I'm wrong.

All I really wanna say
You're the reason I wanna stay

I loved you 'fore I met you
and I met you just in time
'cause there was nothing left

Sat here on my suitcase
in our empty new apartment
'til the sun went down.
Then walked back down the stairs
with all my bags and drove away
you must be freaking out.

All I know's I gotta be
where my heart says I oughta be.
It often makes no sense, in fact
I never understand these things I feel.

Don't change
your plans
for me
I won't
move to
L.A.
The leaves
are falling
back east
that's where I'm going to stay.

There's more to the song, but I'm gonna answer the rest of the questions instead.

4: Do you ever take Shawn Connery seriously as an actor; especially after he spouted the line, "You the man now, dog!"?
I suppose I do. I don't see why so many women feel that Sean Connery is so sexy. I mean, the guy's old. Not just plain old. He's like, Dick Clark old. In a couple years, he'll be George Burns old, and George Burns was never sexy. Old guys can be sexy, but there's a point when a guy can be too old to be sexy, and Sean Connery is rapidly reaching that age (if he isn't there already).

Oh, but we weren't discussing his sexiness. Sorry.

I'm not familiar with Sean Connery's serious acting gigs. He was James Bond for a spell. He was in "The Rock" and he was in that movie with Catherine Zeta Jones where they were thieves, but I don't count those as "serious acting" because a lot of those movies rely on explosions and lasers. Oh! He was in "Darby O'Gill and the Little People." That's where I found out Sean Connery is not a bad singer.

I guess he's a serious actor. If he wasn't, he wouldn't have been acting for so long, right? As for the line "You the man now, dog!," the director (whoever that was) probably made him say that so his oldness could cater to the teeny-bopper crowd.

5: If you had three superpowers, what would they be?
Three super powers! Hmmm...most superheroes only get one. I must mull....

Well, I'd love to be able to fly. I do not have to be faster than the speed of light; one or two hundred miles per hour would be just fine. I just want to be able to fly so I don't have to walk. This would be especially helpful when going up hills or going to visit Stink Pants #5, because then I could fly across Lake Michigan and cut a couple hours off of my trip.

Second, I think I'd like to be able to create heat, kind of like the Human Torch but without the fire everywhere all the time. What I'd like is to be able to choose whether the heat that comes from my body is like fire or like the heat from a radiator (or clothes straight from the dryer). That way I could make a cold room warm (and save on electricity) or set things on fire like a crazy person! (Because goodness knows, I love fire! WHOOOO FIRE!)

Third, I'd like to be able to make any food I want to just magically appear out of thin air. I'm really lazy when it comes to cooking, and to just be able to think about it and have some pot stickers pop into existence on a plate in front of me sounds really good right now. This last one is the least plausible of all three of the super powers because it means making something out of nothing which, as any good engineer will tell you, violates the First Law of Thermodynamics (I can hear my engineer friends groaning...now.)

Of course, all of these super powers do not include drawbacks. I don't want to be able to have heat radiate from me if it means I have to be hot all of the time. Then it'd be like living in a perpetual state of hot flash. That would suck ass. I don't want to be able to fly if it means I can only do it for a minute and a half and I definitely don't want to be able to make food appear if it means taking it from the mouths of hungry children or transforming it from dog poop.

I hope those were explicit and extensive enough answers for you Clay!