And the llama ran, he ran so far away...

This morning, my arm was around the poo-stained neck of a llama.

Today began like any other. I woke up to the sound of Meow exercising her vocal chords. Hoochie Momma and I were going to dress Roar and Meow in their Halloween costumes and visit the local pumpkin patch. We got them dressed and strapped in the car, as usual. The Red Minivan of Power made its way down the driveway and onto the road when I saw a llama.

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Laura: Hey! Llama in the road! Hahahaha! I'm taking a picture. (click!)


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It was right in front of the horse farm that is behind Hoochie Momma and The Professor's property. Hoochie Momma slowed so we wouldn't hit it and we continued on our way. As we drove we got to talking. Wouldn't it be funny if that was one of our llama? What if it is our llama? Should we go back and check? Crap.


A picture of the llama that hopefully did not belong to us as we drove by.

I could see the concern growing on Hoochie Momma's face as she turned the car around to go back home to check if all four of the llama were there.

You see, Hoochie Momma and The Professor own three llama, two girl llama and one gelded male llama. Yesterday, the guy that gave them the llama brought over a stud to hopefully have some hot llama action with one of their llama so they could have a baby llama next year. He warned us that there may be some territorial disputes between the stud male and the gelded male over the luscious llama ladies, and the gelded male might get beaten up a little, but that was to be expected and not to worry about it.

We pull onto their property and Hoochie Momma drives straight back to the llama pen. As she shook the pellets that usually makes the llama come running, we see only three, the two luscious llama ladies and the stud. Magi the Gelded Male is nowhere to be found.

The concern growing on Hoochie Momma's face turns into a full grown worry bush, and she calls The Professor since neither of us grew up on a farm and we didn't exactly know what to do. The Professor said he was going to come home and we continued to try and get Magi to come back.

We decided it would be a good idea to go to the edge of the property and yell Magi's name and shake the pellet cup to see if we could lure it back. So, I took off across the field, being mindful of llama poop, and Hoochie Momma stayed by the van with the kids. The kids, by the way, were fine. They were watching their movie (yes, there'd a DVD player in the van. That's one of the reason's why it's the Red Minivan of Power), and they knew something was up, so they weren't complaining.

At the edge of the property, I shook the cup and called the llama's name like crazy, with no result. I could see the horse farm, but I couldn't see well because of the trees and underbrush. So I climbed a tree.

In the tree I had a better view and could see very clearly that the llama was still over on the horse farm, trotting around like a blasted idiot.

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Laura: Llama! Magi! LLLAAMMMMAAAA!!! (Laura turns around to see the Red Minivan of Power and Hoochie Momma's silhouette) Hoochie Momma!!! Can you hear me?!

Hoochie Momma: Yes!

Laura: I can see Magi! He's still at the horse farm! I'm in a tree!

Hoochie Momma: I'm coming over!
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So after establishing that Magi the Gelded Male was still at the horse farm, and after talking to The Professor who told us where the llama harness was, we decided our next course of action was to go over to the horse farm and get that stupid dumbass llama back onto our property.

So we drive back to the horse farm entrance and completely blow past the "No Trespassing" sign. As we drive up the driveway, there's Magi, running around like he's supposed to be there or something. We have no idea how he got into the front yard of the horse farm owners, since the whole yard is fenced off to keep the horses out. Hoochie Momma goes to the front door only to be greeted by three barking dogs and a cat. We didn't want the owners to think we were horsing around (or should I say "llama-ing around") their property for no reason, but they weren't home.

We got Magi to come to us by yelling "Llama" and "Magi" and cursing under our breath. Hoochie Momma had the harness ready and stood in front of it to put it on while I distraced him with pellets. Each time she approached him though, he backed away. I was getting frustrated because I didn't want the horse owners to come by and think we were stealing livestock from them, so the next time the llama got close to me, I grabbed it.

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Laura: Go Hoochie Momma, go now! I'm holding him and there is poop on his neck! Luckily it's dry, but it's still gross.
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Hoochie Momma quickly got his harness on and we stood there blankly. Now what do we do?

Well, the only thing we could do was walk him back to their house. We couldn't go over the horse farm, since we had no idea how to make Magi the Gelded Male jump the fence again, so we had to walk on the road. I went first.



I'm walking down the road, dragging this llama behind me, cursing the whole way because I was embarassed to be walking livestock down the side of the road, and laughing the whole way because I am FRICKIN' WALKING LIVESTOCK DOWN THE SIDE OF THE ROAD. Hoochie Momma drove behind us with the hazard lights on so we wouldn't get run down by any passing vehicles.

At the corner, we switched places. Hoochie Momma with the llama, and me driving behind them with the kiddies still strapped in their car seats.


Here's Hoochie Momma with the llama saying hi to the man in the municipal truck.

As we walked down the road, a neighbor lady called to us.

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Neighbor Lady: Is that your llama?

Hoochie Momma: Yes, we live just up the road.

Neighbor Lady: We were wondering who it belonged to.

Hoochie Momma: Oh, it's ours.
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It was just a couple minutes after that when The Professor pulled up in the jeep and Hoochie Momma waved me ahead of them to take the kiddies home.

We couldn't park in the driveway because the cement contractors were there to put in a new parking area by the house, so the kids and I hung out in the yard watching movies. A couple minutes later, the jeep pulled into the driveway with a leash and a llama hanging out the passenger window. If we had known the llama would do that, Hoochie Momma and I would've done it a long time ago.

As soon as we got the two male llama close to each other, the stud male went crazy. He was gunning for Magi. He was running with his head down, snorting and whinnying like crazy. It was kind of scary and something I would not want to be caught in the middle of. Luckily, The Professor was able to separate them by closing off a pen. It didn't stop the stud from trying to ram the fence down though. It was pretty exciting.

The whole morning was pretty exciting. Now, one part of me is hoping to see all the llama in their pens tomorrow, right where they should be. The other part of me is hopes that the dumb llama will make a break for it and we'll have to go catch it again. Don't tell that Hoochie Momma though :-)