Spa Day A Go-Go Go to sleep .... *snore*

This past Saturday I actually took the time to use the gift certificate that Stink Pants #5 got me for Christmas (yes, I'm using it four months later.)

Apparently, I'm at a stage where my fiance thinks of me as hyper and high-strung enough to deserve a whole relaxing day of pampering at a spa. (If he thinks I'm hyper now, wait 'til we're actively planning the wedding.) Nah, actually he got it for me because he wants me to be pampered and waited on and he wanted to give me something nice and new for Christmas. I've never been to a spa before.

I'll tell you one thing: I'm not going to do it again. At least, not all in one day.

I was so exhausted. I had to be there at 8:00 am, which meant pulling my ass outta bed at 7:00 or so. I know what some of you are thinking, "Getting up at 7:00 am is no problem! What's wrong with her?" Those of you who know me know that I'm a night person. It's almost 2:00 am here and I have to work tomorrow.

So I make it there at 8:00. There's a reception area with a desk where are a young blond girl is sitting surrounded by professional salon hair care products.

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Laura: Is this the Day Spa?

Blond Girl: Yes. Do you have an appointment?

Laura: (thinking) What would I be doing here this early if I didn't have an appointment. (aloud) Yes. My name is Laura. My appointment is at eight.

(The Blond Girl consults her computer.)

Blond Girl: Ah yes, here you are. Here's a clipboard, just fill out the front and back of the first sheet and the front of the second sheet. By the way, what size shoe do you wear?

Laura: (all confused) Six?

She escorts Laura to a changing room/restroom with some lockers and opens locker #7. Inside are a robe that is way too big for her and a pair of sandals that fit just right.

Blond Girl: You can change in here. Here's the key to your locker, just put all your stuff in there.

Laura: Do I take off everything?

Blond Girl: Well, not your underwear.

Laura: I have to take off my bra though, right?

Blond Girl: Yes, the massage therapist won't be able to rub your back if you have it on. After you change, you can wait in the lounge. That's down the hall, third door on your right.
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So, I change, encase myself in the robe up to my neck and go down to the lounge where the clipboard is waiting. As I'm filling out all the questions, "Do you have diabetes, do you have kidney problems..." I think to myself, "Man, I didn't realize they'd need my medical history for this."

So I finish, and wait until the Blond Girl comes back to get the clipboard. She then tells me that Amy will be in soon.

Amy is a really nice person. I've never had a massage before, but I was really glad my first massage was with a lady. I don't know how I'd feel if it was with a guy. (Weirdness.) We talked about general things like what I do for a living, how she got to be a massage therapist, how long does it take to go to school for that...stuff like that. Before I know it, the whole hour had gone by and I was extremely sleepy. Massages are relaxing to the point of amoeba-ness, because after she was done I didn't feel like moving at all. Hoochie Momma says that the massage increased my circulation, and increased circulation makes a person tired. My circulatory system must have been awesome after that.

So anyway, after that I was taken into another room for a "skin-perfecting facial." This was done by a different girl, Jessica, who I would say is a couple years younger than me. First she put a bunch of gook on my face, then she wiped it off. Then she put some toner-stuff on my face and had a stream of "steam" (it wasn't actually hot enough to be real steam. It was more like luke-warm water vapor) blowing on my face for five minutes. Then she took a bright light and "removed the oil from my pores and glands." Removing the oil from my pores and glands feels a lot like getting my pimples popped, but that's just me. I guess with the light Jessica could see the zits before they even had a chance to form. Good enough for me. Anything that will prevent my big 'ol zits from forming can't be too bad. Then she put more stuff on my face, left that on for five minutes, and took it off. For future reference, a facial involves a lot of putting stuff on your face and then taking it off.

After the facial, I sat in the lounge for a while, just killing time until the next thing was supposed to happen. I talked with a lady who was probably getting the same thing I was, the complete day spa, because she was wearing the same get-up as I was and she was about to get a massage.

In what seemed like an extremely long time to me, a girl named Amanda escorted me to the pedicure room. I got to sit in a massage chair with a foot bath. That was neat, and it was another factor that contributed to my ever increasing tiredness. I then got a foot massage and a peppermint rub. That was weird. It was like there was a breeze on my feet. I knew there wasn't a breeze on them though, because I could see my feet and they were wrapped in towels. It has something to do with the menthol-ality of the peppermint (that's not a word, I know, but I can't think just now.) The peppermint scrub is something I think everyone should do, especially on hot summer days. That stuff is good. Then Amanda painted my nails in a deep red shade that I picked out. It turned out darker than I had expected, but that's okay because no one ever sees my feet anyway.

While my toenails were drying, they served me lunch. Yes! Lunch was included in the all day spa treatment. It was a turkey and bacon sandwich on a sub bun with some juice and it was very good. I hadn't eaten breakfast, so I thought it was delicious.

After lunch, I had a paraffin hand dip. There is nothing more weird than having your hands encased in wax. Amanda put little plastic baggies on my hands so I wouldn't drip wax everywhere. It's supposed to lock the moisture in your hands and make them smooth and soft. I really wanted to go around touching things but I restrained myself. If I had had my way, the glass door at the entrance way would have a grease smear from my hand, but that's just me.

The last thing they did was shampoo and curl my hair. The shampoo felt nice, but I think Amanda could've done a little better with the curl. My hair was covered in this hairspray-like substance (because it wasn't hairspray. It was style-holding firmer, or something like that) and there was one lock of hair in the front that just wouldn't stay curled. My hair had a sheath of sticky, firm, gel/hairspray substitute. I didn't mind though. By then it was 1:30 in the afternoon and I really needed to crawl into a bed.

I left and made Stink Pants #5 talk to me the whole way home on my cellphone, because I didn't want to end up in a ditch somewhere out by Beantown. As soon as I got home, I flopped on the couch and slept for seven hours. I don't think I had ever been that tired in my life, even when I was active and running track and everything. I woke up at 9:00 that night and I even went back to sleep at 1:00 am and slept for another nine hours after. It was almost like I was in high school again.

The day before my spa adventure, I was excited about going and I expected to leave the place feeling revitalized, rejuvinated and gorgeous. Instead I felt drained, sticky, and a little oily from all the creams they rubbed on me. It was super fun while it was happening but after it was all over, I was beat.

I don't care what anyone says, getting pampered for five and a half hours is really exhausting.

Addendum:
StinkPants #5, this does not mean that I will never want this as a present again, just so you know :-). I did like enjoy it, honestly I did my dearest, but next time make it one thing at a time, not all at once. Love you!